Ok, sorry it took so long for another post. I was trying to figure out just what the hell was wrong with the picture function.

Fuck yea

I recently picked up a copy of Mega Man Powered Up… for the PSP (sue me). I have to say, I had my doubts, but the game is a really good remake of the original, purist assholes be damned. You have all the levels… partially remixed for different skill levels, challenge modes, the unfortunate mix of DLC, plus you can play… the friggin robot masters! Not to mention the first racist robot master.

He even uses slang. Now RE5 makes sense.

I have to admit. Akira Kitamura (the ORIGINAL creator of Mega Man, NOT that asswipe Keiji Inafune) made a beast of a franchise. And it is unfortunate that it fell into the hands of a most incompetent bastard who decided that what the series needed was more bullshit easter eggs, death traps up the arse, and a reworked canon that burns bridges to the X series. But what really pisses me off about Keiji Inafune is his complete hatred of gameplay mechanics that actually made Mega Man games better. I give you…. the slide.

Dr. Light trolls me hard!

….Or lack of. See, in Powered Up, a remake, you have no slide or charge beam (at first). As it is a remake of the original, it’s understandable that they tried to preserve some of the elements of the original. And if you want to use the story as an excuse, the Charge Buster wasn’t invented yet. But what was actually cool about the deal was that you could unlock those abilities to be used! How kind! To be rewarded new abilities to take on the levels again. This was a nice idea to add replay value to the whole mix. Earn your abilities! However… there’s a slight problem with that idea.

Playing the original Mega Man games where the slide was included, the slide was probably the one deal that would save your ass in the heat of kombat. It was fast, it had a great distance, and your recovery time from the move was excellent. Making Mega Man a more versatile character was definitely something the series needed. But see… Inafune loves to be an asshole about the slide. In Powered Up, the Slide has been completely nerfed. It has an incredibly slow start up, and the move itself is slow. It also has incredibly short distance coverage. This is my reward?! A move that a LOT of Megaman fans adore!? The charge shot is much slower as well in that regard. While it IS more powerful than ever before, I feel less satisfaction from using the move.

From the moment I unlocked those abilities, I figured it just HAD to be Inafune’s bias toward MM2 doing the talking. What more can we expect from the guy who decided to remove slide and charge from 9 and 10 almost entirely? And having the gall to make you pay extra just to use the fucking moves? And you know what’s worse!? Megaman doesn’t even have the moves! They’re passed on to Proto Man instead!

This turd was the inspiration for Zero. Look at the yellow cape and compare to that jackass blond with the “dark past”

It makes little to no sense for why these changes were put into effect as they honestly hurt the package more than usual. The slide itself acts more like a slap in the face than a reward. It’s not at all a practical move for combat, it’s just a novelty like Sonic 4.

Of course, some choice interviews with Inafune might reveal more to his character than what many believe.

“Mega Man 9 will be much closer to Mega Man 2. As mentioned earlier, in the process of going back to our roots, we came to conclude that those fancy moves were unnecessary. There are many gamers who claim that Mega Man 2 is their absolute favorite.  I took it as an indication that Mega Man is not all about the moves.”

Hold it. So sliding and charge busters are “fancy”? Fancy is a term best used for something that is a mere decoration. Sliding and Charge busters had practical use in the games. For one, increased mobility as well as a more powerful move. In MM5, the charge buster was improved with having a much wider blast radius, allowing you to destroy multiple enemies in one shot if you time them right. They weren’t “fancy moves”. A fancy move would be that fucking Top Spin in MM3 with the least amount of practicality until the final boss where you had to time it exactly right. It’s the absolute worst attack in the game. As well, considering you are the producer of MegaMan X4, we should thank you for introducing the Nova Strike, which essentially makes the concept of defeating mavericks and taking their weapons irrelevant. Now they’re all just some fancy moves. Master weapons like the guts arm would be considered fancy moves because they lack practicality and are mostly there for show.

And how ignorant is it to suggest that because many people liked MM2 means that they obviously don’t want/need Sliding or Charge busters? You’re neglecting the many people that actually prefer those moves. Those who want them have to pay extra to get what SHOULD’VE been available from the start! And lets run that message home by making sliding in a remake virtually useless?

And last I checked, since when did elements that make the game “fun” become “unnecessary” to the experience of the games? That’s the idea of a video game! To have a good mother fucking time! If 2 “fancy” moves as you call them achieve that, don’t sit here and make them completely irrelevant! You alienate more fans than you gain.

“The beauty of Mega Man actually lies in its simplicity and a fine mixture of simple gameplay, puzzle-like thrill of maneuvering tricks at the last minute, and battles.  Instead of new moves, we’ve tried to find an excellent balance in the game design and to achieve “simplicity and fun” in the very detailed-oriented age.”

There’s goes that “puzzle” shit that Japan is known for dick riding. The only puzzles I recall were those disappearing blocks, and as far as I’m concerned, I haven’t met a single Megaman fan that actually likes them. And how can they even be considered puzzles!? Those are merely platform gimmicks that Keiji will never get rid of.

And for a guy who talks about balance in game design, lets start by not doing what is shown in the screenshot above by making areas where sliding could actually have a function in. It’s almost as if you were taunting us by not giving MegaMan moves that damn near defined him.

In your opinion, which classic Mega Man game has the best assortment of robot bosses?

Inafune: Again, that will be Mega Man 2.  In Mega Man 2, a set of 8 bosses were introduced, and the Mega Man style was established.”

It was established in Mega Man 1. Being your favorite game doesn’t excuse you from facing facts.

“We also launched a campaign encouraging the users to design bosses and adopting their ideas into the product.  We were able to carry the style adopted in Mega Man 2 from then on, and that’s an indication of how well balanced the designs were.”

I find it ironic that the site put up a picture of Charge Man, one of the most poorly designed Robot Masters ever. The Robot Masters got incredibly ridiculous from that point on. And Mega Man 9 and 10? Sheep Man!? Are you out of your fucking mind!?

Yes he is

If he means balanced in terms of how ridiculous they all look, then he’s absolutely correct.

“Honestly, there are some designs that make me scream, “What the hell is that?” But whether or not the design is “cool” does not really hold weight for me. What’s important in my character design is not “coolness” but “appeal” or ability to catch people’s attention.”

Where the fuck is the appeal in Sheep man? It appeals to my desire to mock your stupidity, lack of talent, and arrogance.

“Truly, Charge Man and Centaur Man are very eccentric and may not be cool in general view, but the eccentricity helps them to have an impact on the viewers. In this sense, lameness is not really an issue.”

Translation: I don’t give a damn what the fans think! WE THE JAPANESE FIND THEM UNIQUE! That makes them GOOD DESIGNS! So fuck you, Baka Gaijin!

GamesRadar: Conversely, is there one robot you really love, that really stuck with you through the years? We’ve got a special place tucked away for Magnet Man.

“Wow, Magnet Man!?  I’d love to hear the reason for that! Please!”

I can see it in his ind now.

“Magnet man!? LOLLERSKATES! Silly baka gaijin! Magnet Man is a shitty Robot Master! I could make a better one in my sleep!”

PURAGU MANZU! HEDSON TO GOGO BABY!

GamesRadar: We’ve noticed most robots designed by Japanese developers tend to be sleek, angular and clean, whereas Western robots have a lot of extra edges and tend to be grittier and rugged (compare Lost Planet to Gears of War, or classic Transformers to Hollywood Transformers). Do you have any thoughts on this?

Inafune: Either style works for me. The Hollywood Transformers design is something that the Japanese never could have come up with. The Hollywood version appears to be refreshing and cool. In the same way, I hope Japanese robots will be loved in the West.”

You hope!? Why was Robotech successful again? Power Rangers? Maybe the Gundam Series? Voltron maybe?

“I find value from different views”

He says while neglecting the views of those who liked Sliding and Charge Shots.

“Sure, fan service for those who have waited for the new title for a decade is one of our primary goals. At the same time, we also simply wanted to make it.”

Then fanservice has nothing to do with it. Unless you place yourself in the fan’s shoes because you’re a fan of MM2.

“Game development nowadays is done as a very large project, and the scale makes it harder for creators to optimize their abilities and potentials. When I first developed Mega Man, the team was only 6 people. The project was short-handed in one way, but that also helped each of us get involved in every detail. It was so much fun. It might have been the best time for the creators.

The newest installment cannot be managed by 6 creators, but we are leading the project with a small team relative to modern development. “

Translation: I did this solely because I’m going through a mid-life crisis and I wanted to relive my glory days”.

It seems like he only made this game for his own amusement and felt that earier games in the series got in the way of those “good times”. Considering extra moves as “fancy” and “unnecessary” despite their utility in video games still makes no sense unless we just go ahead and assume he didn’t like making Mega Man 3-7 for some reason. If that is the case, then the removal/nerfing of those abilities was done out of spite, not a rational decision from a design point.

And how can he make rational design choices considering he made this shit!?

What…. the… fuck.

Mega Man 9 and 10 (well… just 9) had some of the most fucked up level designs I have ever seen in a Mega Man game. If you thought MMX6 was developed while on crack, you’ll be surprised what inafunny cooked up while clean with no tracks. How rational is it to include instant death traps in EVERY ….. FUCKING…. LEVEL!?

Fuck!

FUCK!

FUCK!

FUCK!

FUCK!

FUCK!

FUCK!

FUCK!

FUCK! I’m Mr. Game & watch!

FUCK!

FUCK!

FUCK!

FUCK!

FUCK!

FUCK!

FUCK!

FUCK!

FUCK!

FUCK!

……….FUCK YOU!

I had no idea how accurate I was when describing Capcom’s misguided quest to make games challenging. This isn’t challenging. This is the work of a sociopath with no regard for anyone’s entertainment. Yet, for reason, Inafune decided to make a “10” for what reason?

Because he just wanted to.

There are quite a few interviews floating around the internet that pretty much suggest that MM9 wasn’t the break out success that the rabid fanboys made it out to be. Some even described the game to only have a successful start, while another actually implies that they just wanted to do a 10th game for the hell of it. And while 10 isn’t as horribly sadistic as 9 was to the point of being unfair, I think 9 scared off a sizable portion of the consumer base to even bother with. Having 2 playable characters wasn’t enough. Over time, word got out that the game was jut brutally difficult. The media hype of how hard the game was scared off a large chunk of market share than most people would think. The hardcore Mega Twats on the internet LOVED the news coverage and titles given to news of these games. But they don’t realize these cover stories did more harm than good.

But that didn’t matter. Inafune had good memories reliving his older self. So lets do it again! Who cares if it didn’t break even!?

Inafune seemed more concerned with “the old days” to the point where it’s obvious that he couldn’t cope with the times. While true, the world of video games are getting to the point where our favorite little time waste will be destroyed by the arrogance of developers, but Inafune is NO ONE to talk! He’s a part of the problem! And everyone that became misty-eyed when Inafune voiced his complaints seem like cattle to the slaughter house. And how hypocritical of him to do so when he turns around and makes….. a fucking dating simulation!? One that stars his own niece!?

THE HORROR!

THE HORROR!

Oh, but lets not forget what I consider this child’s greatest sin! His only REAL contribution to the Mega Man series besides a bunch of drawings.

I hate you…. so much.

Zero is the only real character that Keiji Inafune has ever created for the Mega Man series (until later on). It was his prized creation. His baby. His wet dream. He loved this character so much that he decided to SHOVE HIM INTO YOUR FACE!

Tell me, my lovely audience of 3, when you play a game called Mega Man X, who do you expect to be the main character of the series? I’ll give you a hint.

He’s blue.

Has an arm cannon.

Keeps losing the ability to slide.

Is very emotional and hates fighting, even though he’ll beat whole sale ass on any maverick you can think of.

Stumped?

MEGA MAN X!

THIS MOTHER FUCKER IS THE TITLE CHARACTER OF THE FRANCHISE! HE’S THE MAIN CHARACTER! HE’S THE ONE WHO DEFEATS SIGMA IN EVERY MEGA MAN GAME EVER PRODUCED! HE ACTUALLY KNOWS HOW TO SURVIVE A BATTLE WITH TH DEADLIEST MOTHER FUCKING MAVERICKS IN EXISTENCE!

He can even turn into a mother fucking Ninja!!!!!

X is a down ass mother fucker! Has so many armor upgrades, powers, abilities, can use charged up versions of the Robot Master weapons, and lets not forget…. NOVA… MOTHER…. FUCKING… STRIKE!

This move makes me invincible, deals insane damage, and to put it bluntly, will rape you to crumbs! How can you ever hope to defeat me with all my ultimate power?

Mega Man X will forever be the most kick ass super fighting robot to exist. But alas… Inafune doesn’t like the Blue Bomber. Instead, he promotes his Red Emo Trash compactor, Zero.

Zero is to Megaman as Shadow is to Sonic. A parasite that plagues the franchise with “dark pasts no one gives a shit about”. What’s his dark past? He was created my Dr. Wily. Wow. I’d be emo too if I was created by a scientist who always got his ass kicked by little kid robots 10 times in a row. His plans have always failed. He never got close to conquering the world. And his best  robot betrayed him! Yet, Inafune treated this little tidbit like it was the most serious thing ever!?

But that’s only the surface of why Zero truly sucks. For one, all of his playable appearances, if he so much as touches a flower, he’s dead. Zero’s defense is so incredibly poor, you’d have to wonder why you’d bother playing with him. His first playable appearance had him die once before he becomes history. Yes, Zero only has 1 life. Hell, he died in X1 with nothing to show for it. X2, the main story was resurrecting Zero. X3, his death (or injury in a boss fight) is treated is treated like the most important fucking thing ever. X4, he gets robot pussy!

And then he kills her without realizing he could repair her like he’s been getting repaired.

X5, the plot is all about reawakening Zero’s inner powers and turning him evil (thus giving me the perfect excuse to kick his lily ass all over the place!) The dialogue after beating Zero suggests that Zero wins the fight by using Soul Body anyway, just for Inafune to spite you.

X6, you must discover the mystery behind the Zero Nightmare, while finding Zero COMPLETELY healed! And Inafune wasn’t even behind this clusterfuck!

X7, X isn’t even playabled from the start! You’re stuck with Zero and Axl!

X8, Zero gets MORE pussy! And add insult to injury, she’s a SISTAH!

The moment this blonde prick steals our women is when I declare war

The moment this blonde prick steals our women is when I declare war

Command Mission, after your BEST PARTY MEMBER gets killed, someone tries to comfort you by saying “Well, at least you’ve got Zero!”. I DON’T LIKE ZERO JACKASS! HE’S SHIT!

And then… a new series was born!

MEGA MAN ZERO!!!

Four games that have Zero as the main character! And not only is it an ugly redesign, it’s also an incredibly shitty series! The story line is about some cyber elves being used to take over the world… or something. Firstly, “cyber elves“? Are you shitting me right now!? This game entered retard territory before it was ever conceived.

In the 4th game, Zero yet again faces another death. This time, it’s actually permanent. Considered to be a heroic sacrifice, Zero was officially. So a new series was born again, titled Mega Man ZX!

And who do you play as?

COOL!

While not the best design, it was refreshing to play as the Blue Bomber… in human form! This was cool! Transforming into Mega Man was awesome! I thought this was going to be the greatest game ever!

Until some blond guy dies at the very beginning of the game. He gives you something called Model Z and you use it to combine and create Model ZX. And you cannot use Model X again after this point. What does it look like?

OH FOR FUCK’S SAKE!

How can it be called Model ZX!? It’s clearly just a manlier version of Model Z! Where’s the X!?

Maki!? From Final Fight 2!?

You don’t even get Model X in the sequel! But instead, you are given Model A (Axl) and… Model ZX AGAIN!

I also happen to own a copy of Megaman Network Transmission. I”m one of those weird people that liked this game very much. But even then, Inafune’s ego wouldn’t let this guy have no spotlight.

Oh Amma! Make it stop!

And you know what’s worse? In order to get the best ending, you have to make sure he doesn’t die! Because he’s just too important! Oh well, HURRAY BAD ENDING!

I swear, there hasn’t  been a moment where I could sit down and play a megaman game without constantly being reminded of Zero’s presence! Even outside the series, he’s taken the place of the original Mega Man as the representitive of the franchise! Not to mention he’s the most overpowered character in both Tatsunoko vs Capcom as well as Marvel vs Capcom 3! Hes literally impossible to escape! It’s as if he imposed his own star creation on the fanbase!

Oh wait.. he did! In a choice interview, he openly admits this!

“I didn’t get to completely design a Mega Man [protagonist] from scratch until Zero (Mega Man X, SNES). Back when the SNES was coming out, I was asked to give Mega Man a redesign, so I created this character. But I realized that this design wouldn’t be accepted as Mega Man, so I had another designer create the new Mega Man, and I worked on Zero to release him as the ‘other main character’ that would steal all the good scenes!

Pay attention to the bold. The first bolded statement is a complete lie. His redesign was REJECTED by Capcom, suggesting that he didn’t at all look like Mega Man, and the fans wouldn’t like it. That was CAPCOM’S thoughts, not Inafune’s. Inafune had NO CHOICE but to do him over! Point being, Inafune really DID want Zero to be the new Mega Man, but Capcom said “fuck that ugly ass shit”.

Secondly, that last statement speaks volumes. He intended to make Zero the main character from the start! And this meant making Mega Man X a completely irrelevant character in his own series. He did this just to spite Capcom. Hell, in the first MMZ game, X was supposed to be the villain of the game. He was forced to change it to an evil clone. But why would you make the hero immediately the villain of this new series? Why do you harbor so much hatred toward Mega Man X!?

Either case, Inafune’s whoring of Zero is basically his inner child screaming “HOW DARE YOU CAPCOM!? MY CHARACTER ISN’T GOOD ENOUGH FOR YOU!? I’ll show you! I’ll show you all that he is the GREATEST creation of all time! I will make it known that Zero is the ULTIMATE! NO MATTER WHAT YOU DO!” So Inafune sets off on a quest of his own vanity and particular insecurity by imposing his only contribution to Mega Man on Capcom and the Mega Man fanbase for as long as he wanted. Any chance he got, he would shove Zero in to promote his very soul. And would continue to do so at the expense of people who just want to play as Mega Man. I mean, when I played ZX to find out I would no longer be able to use Model X because Giro died literally pissed me off beyond belief! It’s like the devs at Nintendo decided to collaborate with Capcom and FORCE people to use certain Biometals.

Why would a Japanese developer go out of his way to force his own creation on you when you don’t want it? I just want to play as Mega Man. I don’t want to use Proto Man just to have sliding and charge shots. I don’t like Zero, I shouldn’t be forced to play him or any iteration of him. Hell, X literally WORSHIPS Zero in the X series. It makes no sense! It’s called MEGA MAN! NOT ZERO! I do not play Mega Man games to suck your dick! That is essentially what Zero amounts to! Telling the fanbase to blow you! Everything about Mega Man X beyond the 1st game is ALL ABOUT ZERO! Story wise, he is made the most important character ever conceived! It was made clear in the first game that X himself is special and important. But that shit was thrown out the window by the time X2 was released where X is just guilt ridden over Zero’s death! And that’s the motivation behind reviving him in this game! Guilt for letting him willingly sacrifice himself for the greater good!? That was his job!

I don’t care about Zero! I don’t like Zero! Stop shoving him down my throat! Stop spiting me for wanting to play as Mega Man instead of Zero!

Kinda like what Is-el did to the world with dat Tribal War God of Canaan.

It’s almost as if these were the real reasons behind why he left Capcom. Not because Mega Man Legends 3 was cancelled. That shit is a whole different story, but lets look at the facts.

Legends series sold like ASS!

3DS is a SHIT platform which many developers decided to pull out of developing for (including Sega).

Why develop a game from a series that sold like shit… on a platform that is nowhere near as viable as the Wii, the original DS, or fuck, even the PS3 or 360!?

So Capcom did the wise (in their eyes) decision and nixed the game. Keiji gets pissed, leaves, and starts waxing poetic about how to save the industry.

I like the bit where he says thinking about what appeals to the west and east hinders innovation. Uh, no it doesn’t. You NEED to appeal to both demographics if possible because it MAKES YOU MONEY!  You have to think about what appeals to each market. If you ignore BASIC BUSINESS PRACTICE, you get stupid shit like dating sims starring your stupid family members, or games with your ugly mugshot being used as a weapon that fires lasers at people! Those are VANITY PROJECTS! You pop off all this good shit about saving the industry while you turn around and make VANITY PROJECTS! That’s why you really left Capcom! Because they wouldn’t allow you to do anymore shitty VANITY PROJECTS! Mega Man Zero 1-4 were VANITY PROJECTS!

I’ve never seen a developer so self-obsessed, self-absorbed, selfish, ego maniacal, and vane in my life! I’m right with Capcom saying the hell with you!

“I think there needs to be a system that allows them to be more creative in their work; that would help them a lot.”

Translation: If I don’t get to what I like, FUCK THE INDUSTRY!

Keiji Inafune is a bastard who cares about his own self-gratification. If his leave means less crap about what’s “necessary” in a video game, and less whored out Zero, then good riddance.